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Top 10 Things I Love About VH1’s Tool Academy

by Erin Darling 22 February 2009 584 views 5 Comments

Tool Academy. The most incredible reality show the world has ever seen. This series features nine unsuspecting boyfriends who appear on the show under the guise that they would be competing for the chance to be “Mr. Awesome.” That alone should be enough for acceptance into ”Tool Academy,” but these boys prove they really are the worst of the worst, the boyfriend every girl dreads, a perfect archetype of a guy who’d make you cringe if you found out he was dating your best friend.

After these tools found out that they weren’t actually competing to be “Mr. Awesome,”  they realized what was up. They were in relationship boot camp, sent on behalf of their girlfriends in a last, desperate hope for reformation. This is the set up for the dramatic episodes we’ve seen on VH1 (Sunday nights, 10 PM). The guys, the girlfriends, and of course, ridiculous toolish antics provide sufficient Sunday night entertainment, recommended to all who can appreciate some back-stabbing, cheating, and of course, the classic polygraph test.

The following is  a list of the top 10 reasons why this show should be not be missed by those who love a good, juicy dose of reality TV.

10. The Show Title Itself

Tool Academy,” as the name implies, is an academy for tools. What qualifies as a tool, you may ask? In this case, a tool can be defined by his level of public nudity, uncalled for fits of rage, immense levels of selfishness and self-worship, attempts to control his woman, attempts to call attention to himself by the use of ridiculous nicknames, and, last but not least, the booty shake. Any man who thinks the booty shake is an automatic turn-on for the ladies, is automatically a tool. America, watch and learn…

9. The Official “Tool Academy” Description on VH1.com

“They parade through dance clubs, preening and posing while they bestow a great gift on womankind… themselves. They live in their own little world where your spray-on tan defines you, muscles are the new black and no woman, especially your girlfriend’s best friend, is off limits. They lie, they cheat, they treat their women like door mats. They are America’s Tools… and they need help. They just don’t know it yet.”

If we lived in a world where spray-on tan defined a person’s worth, we’d all be building shrines to Mickey Rourke right now.

8. Angry Girlfriends

After years of dating a loser who brings nothing to the table but infidelity, humiliation, and general douche-bagery, a lot of inner-rage has time to accumulate. I’m sure you can imagine. Watch as one of the girlfriends reacts as her boyfriend gets eliminated. She takes him back, and he can barely muster up an “I love you.” Good luck getting that make-up sex, buddy.

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7. Lie Detector Refusal

Come on, people. We all know you’re on the show for your history of bad behavior. And when it comes to “Tool Academy,” whoever does casting for VH1 deserves a RAISE. Every competitor on this show seems to have a legitimate history of shadiness. But when these tools were faced with a lie detector test (and who didn’t see that one coming), one guy actually declined to take the test and also suffered some kind of panic attack. That is what I call extreme refusal.

6. Small Guy, Big Girlfriend

One of the contestants in “Tool Academy,” Tiny Tool, has a girlfriend who is a little bigger than he. Any considerate human being might recognize this as a sensitive subject, but that might be too much to expect from little ol’ Tiny. He has no problem telling the other guys that he would rather have sex with a blow up doll than his own girlfriend. Nice one.

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5. Candid Confessionals

Like many reality shows of our time, confessionals are an important element to let the viewer see what is going on inside the character/competitor/judge’s head. Gotta love the tools making fun of other tools, crying girlfriends, and guys who begin every sentence with, “DUDE” and end them with “BRO!”

4. Shawn’s Double Dealing Ways

Shawn, AKA “Loudmouth Tool,” is an interesting character. He shows up at the academy with one girlfriend, and surprises everyone (girlfriend included) when another girl walks in, makes her presence known, and announces that she is his actual gf. Shawn doesn’t deny this, sends the original girl packing, and accepts girlfriend number two to remain on the show as his main-gal-pal. Go ahead, feel free to roll your eyes in confusion. See more of this “Loudmouth Tool” and his modeling/designing endeavors on his Myspace here.


3. Self-Validation

I highly reccomend watching “Tool Academy” with your significant other as a regular bonding activity.  Not only will you feel better about your own flawed relationship, you’ll appreciate your boyfriend/girlfriend on a whole new level (unless, of course, they’ve given you sufficient material to submit them to “Tool Academy 2“), but you’ll have fun laughing at the ridiculous challenges as well. All this from a VH1 reality show? Believe it.

2. Matsuflex


Otherwise known as, the “Naked Tool,” Matsuflex likes to strip down to his man panties at every given opportunity, and shake that thang. While I do recognize it was probably his naked ways that landed him a spot on this show, it’s still pretty hilarious. Matsuflex is not only my favorite contestant on the show, but he’s also one of the most promising. I predict we will see Naked Tool in the finale. Check more of Matsuflex’s “Tool-ness” on his Myspace here.

1. The Official Tool Academy Song

The official Tool Academy song is a glorious tune that brings embarrassment and enthusiasm to the surface. During this challenge not only do the tools get reemed out by a flamboyant, vocal coach, but they are also forced to use their best pitch to proclaim, “In the end I hope I’m not just a tool.” In the end, I hope it’s true. Go Tool Academy!

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  • Zenith said:

    i fricking love tool academyyyyyyyyyy. so funny.

  • Sara said:

    I love Matsuflex. I heard he was a stripper!

  • unice said:


  • jick_james said:

    Like I said, this is some funny S****!

  • BigLove222 said:

    This really is one of the better shows VH1 has put out. It stands out well against the ocean of other reality shows that inundate you with shallow dating competitions. At least on this show it has the redeeming factor of being there to better people’s lives, and we get to watch the messy results from the comfort of our living room.

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