Home » I Don't Love It

Leave PBR Alone: 5 Beers Hipsters Should Have Stolen

by Clay Conger 13 May 2013 432 views No Comment E-mail Clay Conger

Hipsters are fascinating in a very annoying way. They’re pretentious, pompous, and have a tendency to reject mainstream trends while simultaneously creating their own. As a group, hipsters are not as annoying as say, Nigerian email scammers, however, the problem with the hipster culture is that there is very little breathing room. There is not a large variety of culture to which they attach themselves. Instead, as if on purpose, they find a few notable things and envelop them like flies on kabob meat. Maybe this is all sounding a bit dramatic, but have you noticed how hipsters seemingly only smoke American Spirit, only wear plaid and only play very specific sounding music? It’s the most intentional, self aware stereotype, ever. In history…

It’s mostly harmless, except for the fact that once the hipster culture has chosen something to envelop, to make one of their own, it becomes such a vital part of their culture that it is associated entirely with hipsters. To an optimist’s eye, they have simply adopted or cherished it. To a cynic’s, they have stolen it.

Which brings me to PBR. This is going to be a bit personal for me since I think PBR is the best cheap, trashy beer you can find. Since it’s light and doesn’t taste like tepid garbage water, it is the perfect beer for drinking games, camping, or a casual drink after physical labor. It was a man drink: popular in the Deep South or New Mexico where men drank it after a hard day of construction or hunting, swigging it from their porch chairs.

So why did hipsters take it? They’re not day laborers; they’re photographers and musicians with obnoxious facial hair and skinny jeans. The answer is the same reason they latch onto things like American Spirit or Converse sneakers: they are enamored with the old, rare, and obscure. And so they took PBR, the sweat-of-the-man’s-brow beer, and brought it to indie music clubs and poetry sessions. Because it’s obscure and odd.

Now PBR is permanently a hipster beer, and the simple fact of the matter is that there are many other beers hipsters could have and should have taken instead. Here are five.

5. Pacifico

The Beer: A Mexican pilsner, Pacifico is essentially a slightly different, lesser known Corona. It’s tasty and sold in every Mexican restaurant, and it’s one of those beers that are on many menus and many taps yet you rarely order it. It’s there to be there.
Why Hipsters Should Take It: It’s almost-not-quite popularity makes it ideal for hipsters. You see it in many establishments but rarely in people’s hands. Holding one could make one feel original. It’s just obscure for Hipsters to fall in love with, yet easy enough to find so they don’t have to put in the effort to get it. Perfect.

4. Midas Touch

The Beer: A delicious golden ale infused with honey and saffron. Crafted by Dogfish Head, it is one of the lesser known beers, difficult to find, and comes in four packs instead of six.
Why Hipsters Should Take It: Four packs instead of six? Quirky…!

3. Leinenkugel Sunset Wheat

The Beer: a fruity wheat beer with artificial flavoring. It’s light, meh-tasting, and hard to find outside of a liquor store.
Why Hipsters Should Take It: It tastes exactly like Fruity Pebbles cereal. Seriously, try it. There are forums about this. And what better way for a hipster to strike up a conversation? They could swill the beer around like wine, take a sip, and say something pompous like, “Fred Flintstone called, and he wants his breakfast back.”

2. Shiner Bock

The Beer: An amber beer brewed entirely in Shiner, Texas. Smooth and tasty, it is one of the most popular beers in Texas.
Why Hipsters Should Take It: If hipsters are good at anything, it’s taking something beloved and making it their own. Shiner Bock is THE Texan beer, its taste and packaging so American you can easily imagine a cowboy drinking it. Pretentious twenty-year olds watching Juno are practically the opposite of rugged Texans drinking Bock. The irony is too much to pass up.

1. Natty Bo (Natural Bohemian)

The Beer: cheap and almost tasteless, this beer is easy to find and extremely popular in Baltimore. It is estimated that when the Ravens won the recent Super Bowl there were enough empty cans of these to choke a blue whale.
Why Hipsters Should Take It: It’s essentially PBR in quality and availability, so the transition for them would be easy. Yet Natty Bo gets the number one slot because of how intensely it is loved by its specific fan base. Shiner Bock is infamous in Texas but Natty Bo is a staple in just one city: Baltimore. This is the definition of a niche beer. Although this beer is sold everywhere in the states, it’s not a common sight to see anyone drinking this outside of Baltimore or at least Maryland.

As you can probably tell from the bitterness of this article, I believe that hipsters are only eclipsed by George Lucas in the art of ruining things, and nothing could get Baltimore in a bigger stir than seeing hipsters drink their beer. It is an ideal chance for a hipster to feel cultured as well, much like how people return from South Africa donning forty beaded necklaces or wear Hawaiian shirts in Hawaii. Baltimore and cities like LA are worlds apart and a western hipster drinking a beloved Baltimore beer in order to feel and appear well-traveled is pretty much the entire hipster movement in a nutshell. For this reason, Natty Bo should be the new hipster beer. I’ll probably get death threats from some of my friends (Ravens fans) for this, but it’s worth it just so I can drink a PBR again in peace.

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading ... Loading ...

Leave your response!

Add your comment below, or trackback from your own site. You can also subscribe to these comments via RSS.

Be nice. Keep it clean. Stay on topic. No spam.

You can use these tags:
<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

This is a Gravatar-enabled weblog. To get your own globally-recognized-avatar, please register at Gravatar.