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SOAPBOX: Slutty Halloween Costumes

by Clarke Wolfe 16 November 2013 951 views No Comment E-mail Clarke Wolfe

Halloween came and went recently and as some of you may or may not know, Halloween is my favorite holiday — I’m a horror nerd so any excuse for scary movies, costumes and candy is OK by me.

I am also a twenty-something year-old young lady so Halloween often comes with an expectation that I know you all are familiar with…

Slutty Halloween costumes.

We’ve seen slutty Sesame Street characters, and slutty Ninja Turtles in the past, but this year brought things to a new level of insanity with the introduction of a slutty Rick Grimes Walking Dead costume as well as a sexy pizza slice costume.

A sexy pizza slice? What. Is. Happening?

And, you know what, this isn’t some Miley Cyrus slut shaming SOAPBOX — if you want to dress up as a sexy watermelon (also a costume), you be my guest, but now we’ve crossed into a place where there is an expectation that because I’m a gal in my twenties, whatever my costume is going to be, is going to be the sexy version of said costume.

This year I was determined to finally live out my childhood fantasy of getting to be Marty McFly. And when I revealed this information to friends who asked what I was going to be for Halloween, the follow up question was always, “Oh, so like, sexy Marty McFly?”

No! Not sexy Marty McFly. Just regular Marty McFly. What the heck you guys?

This sexy Halloween costume topic also leads me to an embarrassing party conversation when one time a girl walked into a party with short teased out hair, lots of make up, a black bustier, and no pants. Just some weird leather underwear thing. Me, being the glass is half full Halloween enthusiast that I am, I asked the girl if she was Frank-N-Furter from “Rocky Horror Picture Show” because that’s what she was dressed as.

But nay, she was not Frank-N-Furter. She informed me that she was, in fact, a sexy Cruella De Vil

No puppies. No coat. No qualifying accessory that would lead any rational human being to draw that conclusion.

So to all the sexy tacos and future sexy Daryl Dixon’s out there, live your life, do what you do, mazel tov, but stop ruining Halloween for the rest of us!

… The Marty McFly turned out pretty well though, right? I like that one.

Clarke Wolfe as Marty McFly, Halloween 2013.

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