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How To Get A New Year’s Kiss

by Erin Darling 31 December 2011 494 views No Comment E-mail Erin Darling

If you’re ever been single on New Year’s Eve, you know that midnight kisses don’t just happen. They are meticulously planned. Which is exactly why we, single soldiers, need a guide written with military precision to help us execute what may seem like mission impossible. Here is your mission, if you choose to accept it.

Mission Midnight Kiss

2000 Hours: Reconnaissance.

No military expert would launch a mission of any kind without first embarking on a preliminary survey to gain information, and neither should you, my single friends. Tonight, your mission is to be on high alert for potential victims and opportunities. Take an observational lap or two, scouting out potentials and weeding out whoever is obviously taken. This is also a good time for S.L.S. Strategic location scouting, which is best described by placing yourself in or around high traffic areas where you can people watch (AKA casually stalk) all of the party patrons.

2100 Hours: What Was Your Name Again?

It’s always worth making the effort to remember people’s names, especially when you’re going to pretend that they’re the most interesting person in the room in a few hours. When mingling over appetizers and cocktails, make an effort to meet the people you noticed while executing your initial reconnaissance. Remember names, interests, pets, and any other possible topics of conversation. This will come in handy at 2200 hours.

2200 Hours: Feigning Interest

Flirting is often characterized by lots of smiling, laughing, subtle touching and feigning interest in the droll hobbies of the object of your affection. Any man who’s ever heard a woman say she loves Call Of Duty, and any woman who’s ever heard a man say he likes the new Adele record have fallen victim of this. Is this morally wrong? Probably. But it certainly helps establish instant rapport, and will put you ahead of the game on your mission. If you’re terrible socially awkward and all else fails, skip to the steps detailed below.

2300 Hours: Booze

What new year’s magic isn’t made a little more magical with a glass of champagne? Plus, let’s be honest…you’re desperate and attending a New Year’s Eve party alone. You probably need the additional confidence boost.

2400 Hours: Mission Completed

You’ve done your homework, put in the leg work, and now it’s time to go in for the kill. Be sure you’re equipped with breath mints! Best of luck.

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